you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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