her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
