I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
