i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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