R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
