hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
