I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
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He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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