you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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