Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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