But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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