Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
