believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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