if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
