please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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