your parents love me but you hate me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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