dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
