she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
