So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
