Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize