pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
