Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
