He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
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Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
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He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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