Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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