I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
