Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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