i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
