Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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