I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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