no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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