I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
