woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
