No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
