I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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