Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
