It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
