So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
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He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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