it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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