I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
