my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
