ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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