sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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