you win again, gameday.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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