It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
