Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
