so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How external is "for external use only"?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
