I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
