i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
