Im at strip club and am horny
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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