i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
