Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
