well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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