I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
