Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
