I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
