If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
