Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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