1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
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You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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