I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
