My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
True strength comes from lack of pants
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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