i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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