I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
