So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
