wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
