I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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