When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Randomize
