I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
