Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
