she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
