clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
